Jeezus Christ, dude. I can’t be NEAR my best friend/ soul mate without you barging in and taking the lime light. Yes, I KNOW I HAVE TO START OVER. But it’d be easier without you in the way.
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He was, has been, and always will be my best friend. But, today, I nuked it. I nuked what he and I had over my stupidity. Why? Why the fuck would I do that to myself? I hurt him so much, and I can’t ever forgive myself for such a thing. He has been nothing but PERFECT to me. He’s taken me to the beach, to the movies, picked me up when other assholes abandoned me (emotionally and literally), talked to me every god damn day, has always wished me a good morning and a good night, and he was there for me, and I have been there for him. But, of course, my stupidity got in the way, and now he hates me.
And here I am, throwing a pity party because I lost him. I lost him… I just can’t bring myself to believe it. I LOVE him. I do. But I shouldn’t have done this. I’m not saying, “HEY, PITY PARTY FOR THE SLUT.” God, no… But I just can’t believe I did this. Three of the SLEAZIEST men on the planet. And I fucked them. I did, and I hate myself for them. I BELIEVED that doing that to myself and my body was making me feel better, and I BELIEVED them when they said I mattered and they cared. But they lied… Hell, I LIED. To myself. And to him, of all people… I can’t believe I did that… Why on God’s green Earth would I do that? Why the fuck didn’t I say NO. Why did I go over to their houses and do this. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY WHY WHY WHYWHYWHY. erhsrymertmtwjwrthw
I know he’ll never read this, but I want him to know I am so fucking sorry. And I love him so god damn much.
Shawn, I love you. I am so sorry. Please, forgive me… xx
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